the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
