but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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