You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
