Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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