at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize