Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
