On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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