i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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