I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
