I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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