everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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