Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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