Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
