i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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