some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
