everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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