Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
