If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
