We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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