Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
