yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
