Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
