you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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