This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize