After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
