you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
