i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
