Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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