Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
