god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
