I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize