So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
