im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The best revenge is premature balding
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
