Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
