I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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