i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
