i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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