Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i think i just lost a toe
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
