I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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