Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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