i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
