More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
