We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
