i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
