he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
