Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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