my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
