Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
