I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
