I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
