My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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