just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
