WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
