I think I died a long time ago.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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