I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I pour the whiskey from now on
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
