You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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