Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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