I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
