Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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