Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
