he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
