Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
