Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
