even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
