She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
