i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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