I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
