I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize