A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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