Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
