At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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