After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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