eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
