Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize