I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
