i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
