I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
