I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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