There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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